The Presidential Selection Toilet

Thirty-three years ago, I participated in a team high school debate exercise where we argued that the current method for selecting a president should be scrapped in favor of erecting a giant toilet in the middle of the United States Senate, allowing each Senator to submit a nominee on a sheet of toilet paper and then flush the sheets. The specially constructed toilet would allow only 99 of the 100 sheets to pass through it. The name on the remaining sheet would be declared president. Our “talking points” included protecting the environment by cutting down on campaign paper use, reducing special interest influence by eliminating the need for campaign expenditures and finally, promoting good will by avoiding divisive campaign advertising. Admittedly though, this nutty idea never really took off.

Eight presidential campaigns later, mass mailing, bumper stickers, yard signs and billboards will litter this country’s landscape like never before. Over one-half billion dollars, financed mostly by special interests, will be spent in an attempt to influence voters and the country is more divided now than it’s been since the civil war.

Ask anybody you meet. They’ll confirm that if the “other guy” is elected, the country is going down the toilet. The whole thing makes me wonder whether the “giant toilet” idea is finally worth considering.