The Birth of More Conspiracy Theories

Over the years, millions of conspiracy theories have been bandied about, but oftentimes nobody takes responsibility for starting them. It seems like an act of cowardice to set a theory in motion, but not have the gall to attach one's name to it.

Today, that's going to change. I'd like to go on record as creating two new conspiracy theories of my own. Mind you, they are totally unsubstantiated theories with no factual basis whatsoever - bordering on pure madness - but if either gains traction, or, by some bizarre twist of fate turns out to be true, I demand to be given credit as the first to advance that theory.

My first conspiracy theory: Hillary Clinton Operatives Stole the New Hampshire Election! *

(In the interest of fairness, must add the following disclaimer: I would rather Barack Obama be President. Hillary is my second choice!)

Okay, now that we're past the disclaimer, I'd like to point out that virtually all the pollsters had Barack Obama winning the New Hamshire election by 10 or more percentage points. Instead, Hillary won by three points. I could see a few pollsters getting it wrong, but the notion of everybody in the polling business being wrong just doesn't smell right...and if something stinks, well - you get the drift.

That's all the evidence I have. Are you ready for my second conspiracy theory, which is just as plausible as the first?

My second conspiracy theory: Christian Evangelical Forces Stole the New Hampshire Election For Clinton Because They Desire Her as the Democratic Candidate...*

...after all, nobody hates Hillary more than the evangelicals! And what better way to mobilize the G.O.P. evangelical base than by facing their version of the devil incarnate!

*theory first advanced by Steve Zorbaugh